I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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