in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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