How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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