I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
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