Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize