he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.