im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.