just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night