who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.