So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before