the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
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It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize