Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
