I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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