If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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