hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
