I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
