dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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