Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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