At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
