I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
