If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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