I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
