It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
