Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
