remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
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Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
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I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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