is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
porn star boner night. come get it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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