He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
