"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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