I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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