at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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