I'm going to rape someone's good day.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
