Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
