apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
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he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
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We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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