all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
