He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
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at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
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Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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