rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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