Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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