I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Randomize
