why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
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I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
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I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??