last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"