Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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