i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Come share oat with me in your robe
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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