I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
