every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
