Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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