ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
