I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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