I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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