dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
