I can tuck mytits in my pants
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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