i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
