I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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