my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
