she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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