sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
