I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
