It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize