dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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