eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize