Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
