I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
