Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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