In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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