My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
